I don't deserve HIM

If I counted the amount of hours in my lifetime that I have 1. worried about 2. prayed about 3. talked about my future husband/marriage/being pursued/romance,etc. I am fairly sure I would be horrified by the gargantuan number it would be.

All my life I've been told I'm a "gem," a "treasure," and "worth waiting for." Some of that encouragement has helped to keep me on the right track, and I am thankful for the people who have guided me in moral standards along the way.

And all my life I've gone to church and have been taught and loved by many fine teachers and pastors. For that I am so grateful.

But recently light has been pouring into the dark closets of my heart, exposing me, making me throw my hands over my eyes to hide its hurtful rays. And the TRUTH of the gospel, of who Jesus Christ is and what He did for me has (to my wonderment) surprised me. It's incredible.

Purity is not what you have not done. Rather, purity is Who has washed you of who you already are. I don't care if you've never even side-hugged a member of the opposite sex, you were born filthy and in need of a Savior.Yes, virginity means never having sex, but virginity does not equal purity. I went to a Christian college, and it shames me to think of how many of us tried to shuffle our tippy toes to the disintegrating edges of that cliff. And even if we refrained in actions...what about our eyes and minds?

I greatly look forward to the day I wear a pretty white dress and become united with my warrior partner for the Kingdom. But what I'm learning is that the white dress does not simply represent my righteousness, but the righteousness of Christ covering me. Yes, of course it's wonderful to wait and have done "it" the way God desires. I've seen up close and personal the chaos and despair sexual sin causes. But even my righteousness is like a dirty, bloody tampon. Yep, that's right. It's what the Bible says. filthy [menstrual] rags. Isaiah 64:6.

And even if that sweet day of my wedding never happens, I have already been relentlessly pursued and loved by the God of the universe who knows the nastiest, wickedest parts about me.

He loves me. always. I am the bride of Christ.
I don't deserve Him.
HE is the gem.


Keep the Faith,
Audrey Ann