Confession time. I work as a cashier at a grocery store, and up until now I’ve been too ashamed to admit it. Now, it’s a super classy, upscale, family-owned, has-a-Starbucks kind of grocery store, but a grocery store, nonetheless.
About a month back (after being home a month from teaching on Guam), I moved to a lovely lakeside, Christian college town, where I now reside with my brother who (long story short) needed a family member to live with off campus…and so I embarked on a new adventure. And it’s been a wonderful blessing. Quaint. Charming. Restful.
But in spite of these gifts from God, and even though I am truly thankful for employment, I have wrestled daily with fears and longings of the future and struggles of insecurity about my job and that “ultimate” question, “What am I doing with my life?!”
However, I am learning. Sometimes I learn truths about joy and beauty through poetry, or the deep thoughts of great men such as Lewis or St. Augustine. But lately, the truths that arrest me most harshly and gloriously are the ones like I have encountered as a “Didyoufindeverythingyouneeded?” cashier girl.
A cross-eyed, mentally handicapped customer has been one such truth about joy. He seems to come in the store a couple times a week, never buying more than $10 worth of food, namely white bread and Mountain Dew. He declares to me with a smile,
“You guys have a REALLY good deal on bread this week.
That’s a really good deal!
Umm, here’s my globe bag. This is my globe bag.
Umm…this is food stamps. Could you please circle how much I have left? I really appreciate it.
And on Saturday my food stamps come in, and I think I’m going to get some of you guys’ doughnuts!
Your name’s ‘Audrey,’ right?”
And my heart melts.
Now, I wish he would consume more than white bread and Mountain Dew, but this guy seems to live with more joy than most people I know who have a lot more than he does.
I always loved that scene from “Christy” when Miss Alice tells her, “Hold onto joy, for joy is a gift,” and she gives Christy a pretty leaf. I used to pick up leaves and think of that scene. But now when I think about holding onto joy, I think of white bread and Mountain Dew.
And in Jesus, we have found everything we needed.
Keep the faith,
Audrey Ann
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